A Hanyou's Soul
by Stormie
Summary: Miroku, human Inuyasha, and Wolfwood's portable confessional. Not really, but we do get a glimpse into...A HANYOU'S SOUL


A Hanyou's Soul  
By: Stormie  
  
AN: Okay. I'm making this up as I type so hopefully it'll turn into something. Hmmm...title help anybody?  
  
The hunter had spotted his prey, the dark-haired human male sitting beside a crackling campfire. The man couldn't sense his presence and wouldn't have time to react....  
  
CR~RACK!  
  
"OW! What the hell are you doing, bouzu!" The currently human Inuyasha demanded of the currently smirking Miroku.   
  
The monk assumed a holy mien. "Buddha wishes to share some of his vast wisdom with you." He shook his shakujo and it jangled in emphasis. "He thinks you will listen more willingly as you are now."  
  
Inuyasha glared at the monk. "What stupid crap do you want to lecture me on now?" He changed his voice to imitate the monk. "'Inuyasha, you stupid hanyou, do you really think using the Shikon no Tama to make you a full youkai will make you happy?' Feh! It's bad enough to listen to you normally, but I'm not putting up with your shit tonight."  
  
Making a face at Inuyasha's poor acting ability, Miroku was surprised that the dog demon had answered in several sentences instead of the usual monosyllables. 'Hmm...seems this was a good idea after all...' Then Inuyasha's words sunk in. "Inuyasha, you sounded nothing like me, but I am pleased that you were actually listening to my highly intelligent opinions." Ignoring the look he received, Miroku continued. "And I don't think you're stupid, just incredibly dense when it comes to things like that jewel...and women."  
  
"Keh! Like you're any better lech!" He crossed his arms and pointedly turned away from the monk.  
  
CLANG!!  
  
"Oh I'm so sorry; my staff just slid right out of my hand! How awful."  
  
Inuyasha lay on his back staring at the shikon shards spinning wildly around his head before slowly inching upright. Shaking his head to clear his fuzzy vision, he winced. "Oi, Miroku, just say whatever you're going to babble about and leave me alone. Gods, don't I ever get a break." He sighed.  
  
Something in the hanyou's tone bothered the monk, and that sigh was totally out of character with the flamboyant Inuyasha he knew. Miroku glanced sharply at the other boy and was met with two violet demon eyes full of suffering, despair, and loneliness. He had just seen past all the barriers into Inuyasha's soul. "Inuyasha..."  
  
"Don't you dare, Monk. Even Kagome.." He stopped. "If you look at me with pity in your eyes, I will beat you so badly that if you ever find a woman stupid enough to lay with you, your spawn will carry the scars. Leave now."  
  
"No. We still have to talk."  
  
Inuyasha started to bare his fangs until he remembered he was human. "What have we been doing? Go away."  
  
"We're not finished. I had hoped you would listen better as a human than as a youkai, but it looks like I was wrong. Don't worry; it's nothing important, just Kagome's life. Since you're not interested, I'll go." Miroku stood to leave.  
  
Inuyasha inhaled deeply. "Wait, I...what about Kagome?"  
  
Settling next to the fire, Miroku poked it with the end of his shakujo before answering. "You treat her harshly; it's killing her slowly." Inuyasha opened his mouth to protest, but Miroku stopped him. "You're about to say that you protect her with your life and have never laid a hand on her. I know you, you see. But while you protect her body, you destroy her heart and soul. And I want to know why. I need an answer, Inuyasha. I came to you on this night of the New Moon because I hoped you would be more willing to talk. Man to man."  
  
Inuyasha's jaw clenched. "You don't trust me when I'm normal. Because I'm hanyou."  
  
Miroku blinked. "I never said that."  
  
"But you think it. I know you do, all of you think it except Ka-" Inuyasha looked deeply into the fire. "You're using my emotions against me."  
  
"I'm merely waiting for an answer. If you think your emotions are being used against you, then please tell me. What goes on inside that brain of yours that makes you hurt the kindest woman you will ever meet? To choose to be with a corpse who has tried to kill you repeatedly over a living, breathing girl who has practically given up everything to be with you? Tell me, Inuyasha, and I will go."  
  
Inuyasha laughed humorlessly. "You want to know what I think? Fine, Monk, but anything I say never leaves this place."   
  
Nodding, Miroku said, "Naturally."  
  
"Let's start with an easy question. Kikyou or Kagome. You think I don't know that the Kikyou walking around isn't the same Kikyou I knew; you're wrong. I know she's a shell, but somewhere in that doll is part of Kagome. And I must protect Kagome. Also, I owe Kikyou; she died because of me. It is my duty to return her to rest; if I have to die to accomplish that than I will die." He paused for a moment as some feeling passed across his face. "But how will I protect Kagome if I'm dead?" He shook his head. "If the two were switched and Kagome had been resurrected as a demon of hate, would you want me to abandon her for my own happiness with another? What does that say about me or my heart?"  
  
Miroku frowned thoughtfully. "Why not explain to Kagome? She would understand."  
  
Inuyasha closed his eyes and leaned back for a moment. "I told you that was the easy question. Kagome is too good for me. I must protect her from everything, especially myself. If I make her hate me then she won't get hurt."  
  
Miroku brought his fist down on Inuyasha's head. "Kagome can't hate you; she gives up everything to be with you, idiot."  
  
"Do you have to keep doing that!" demanded Inuyasha as he rubbed his sore skull. "I can't give you your fucking answer if you smash my brain!" He glared, but kept talking. "That 's another thing. We've all seen the weird crap she brings here from her world. Imagine a place filled with those things; I've been there and seen it, Miroku. She deserves a place like that not a hut or a cave in the forest."  
  
A small smile curled the monk's lips. "I have heard it said that all that matters is being with the one you love."  
  
"That doesn't matter when you are what I am."  
  
"Which is what? A fool who denies his feelings?"  
  
"Have you forgotten? I'm hanyou, not human or youkai. If she were to stay with me, mate with me, we would be hunted. She will be safe if she forgets about me and seals the well." He paused again as if considering his words carefully. "Seal the well...I've almost done that myself."  
  
"I know. I saw you do it once."  
  
Inuyasha shook his head. "No, not like that, with her on this side. She would have to stay here with me forever like she's supposed to."  
  
Miroku wasn't sure he'd heard that right. "What? I thought you wanted her to stay away and be safe?"  
  
Inuyasha watched the fire intently for several minutes. "Have you ever been afraid of what you could do to people?"  
  
Miroku leaned back against a tree and studied the ground. "Sometimes...sometimes when I think of the Kazana sucking me in I- I won't be able to stop it from sucking up innocent bystanders."  
  
"That's not what I meant. Your curse isn't you, it's a hole in your hand. I mean afraid of yourself." He swallowed. "What if I lost control and killed all of you?"  
  
"When your demon blood takes over that's not you."  
  
"I wasn't talking about those times. When I am myself, if I lose control I could kill you. And there are other things I could do...I fear the demon whenever it involves Kagome. I don't know what he will do to keep her here..." He spoke softly. "Sometimes, I wish she had left me sealed to that tree. She would be safe."  
  
"She told me that you saved her from a youkai. She would have died if you hadn't been released."  
  
"And then I tried to kill her; some hero I am. Makes me remember something. I'm just a hanyou, a weak, worthless, monster who shouldn't have ever existed. That would solve all our problems you know. If I had never been born, my parents and Kikyou wouldn't have died. Shikon no Tama would have been purified, so Shippou's father wouldn't have been killed by the Thunder Brothers for a shard. Naraku would never have cursed your family or killed Sango's people. And Kagome would be safe, living in her strange world with its strange things." He finished his speech and looked at the monk. "You wanted to know what I think? That's what I think; I sit in my tree and think these things." He got up to head deeper into the woods. "Dawn comes soon. I'll hate you since I told you these things. Never mention them to me or anyone else. Ever."  
  
Miroku could only sit in shock. He had only wanted a simple answer about Kagome, but the hanyou had spoken of his deepest, darkest thoughts. Everything about Inuyasha was difficult; he should have expected this. Was that the answer he sought perhaps? "Inuyasha, I'll give you something else to think of. Do you ever wonder why Kagome was brought here?"  
  
The dog demon paused without turning. "The centipede dragged her through the well; it wanted Shikon no Tama."  
  
"That's how she was brought here, not why. Perhaps she was called here. A soul in torment called out for a healer, and so she came." Inuyasha hadn't made a sound. "Tell me, Inuyasha, on that fateful day fifty years ago, did someone make a wish on Shikon no Tama?"   
  
The hanyou's back stiffened in surprise and whirled to face Miroku. The monk could almost see the idea sparking to life behind those cat-slitted eyes before Inuyasha turned away with a rather weak "Feh!"   
  
'Oh yes, we should have chats with Inuyasha more often.' Miroku smugly thought. 


End file.
